Book Review

The Books' Topics:

• Controlling your Thoughts and Emotions


• Overcoming your Illusions and Delusions


• Accepting "What Is"


• Gaining Peace of Mind by Questioning Irrational Thoughts

The central themes of this book are:

• Bringing your life under control is easier than you think. In fact, the key is your thinking


• We all learned "goofy" ways of thinking, and no one ever helped us examine these beliefs about "the way things should be"


• It only takes Four Questions to bring some rational order into the thoughts that "are driving us crazy"


• Accepting "what is" is the result of this "examination of our thoughts," and amazingly, the peace we feel results in the change we sought


• The cause and effect relationship turns out to be the reverse of what we expected, i.e., instead of achieving peace once we solved the issue, instead, when we reach an inner peace, the issue often seems to resolve itself

Keywords:

• "The Work"


• Four Questions


• Internal and Rational Dialog


• Personal Inquiry


• The "Interpreter" role of our Brain

Main Idea:

We grow up without examining the attitudes, beliefs and values that we hold. We accept these formulations are "fact" when, in fact, these "solid realities" are our fantasies about "what is," and about the way "things should be."

Just questioning ourselves to discover if these ideas and assumptions are true leads to "peace of mind, insights, and creative breakthrough, often quickly and easily changing situations, and "changing people."

This dynamic interplay of people and the beliefs that lock us all into a matrix of drama are difficult to unravel for ourselves because we are so close to the "script" that we don't see the "unreality."

Byron Katie (a woman) dredged and wallowed through this process for herself, then formulated an "action research-based" method for others to follow

This method distills into "Four Questions" that, when we answer honestly, assist us at arriving at a place of peace and acceptance.

Quotes:

Byron Katie peppers the book with a lot of quotes that seem philosophical and insightful. In fact she quotes a Buddhist Sutra, sounds like she is a Zen master, and has the insight of a deep thinking philosopher. In fact, she claims that "The work" is really simple…

"To realize your true nature, you must wait for the right moment and the right conditions. When the time comes, you are awakened as if from a dream. You understand that what you have found is your own, and doesn't come from anywhere outside." (p. - xi)

"The Work is merely four questions; it's not even a thing. It has no strings. It's nothing without your answers. These four questions will join an program that you've got and enhance it. Any religion you have --they'll enhance it. if you have no religion, they will bring you joy. And they'll burn up anything that isn't true for you. They'll burn through to the reality that has always been waiting." (p. - xxiv)

"What I love about The Work is that it allows you to go inside and find your own happiness, to experience what already exists within you, unchanging, immovable, ever-present, ever-waiting. No teacher is necessary. You are the teacher you've been waiting for. You are the one that can end your own suffering." (p. - 1)

"I am a lover of what is, not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality." (p. - 2)

"If you are living your life and I am mentally living your life, who is here living mine? We're both over there. Being mentally in your business keeps me from being present in my own. I am separate from myself, wondering why my life doesn't work. " (p. - 3)

"If you put your hand into a fire, does anyone have to tell you to move it? Do you have to decide? No: When your hand starts to burn, it moves. You don't have to direct it; the hand moves itself. In the same way, once you understand, through inquiry, that an untrue thought causes suffering, you move away from it. Before the thought, you weren't suffering; with the thought, you're suffering; when you recognize that the thought isn't true, again there is no suffering. That is how The Work functions. " (p. - 6)

"I use the word inquiry as synonymous with The Work. To inquire or to investigate is to put a thought or story up against the four questions and turn around…Inquiry is a way to end confusion and to experience internal peace, even in a world of apparent chaos. Above all else, inquiry is about realizing that all the answers we ever need are always available inside us." (p. - 7)

"You're either attaching to your thoughts or inquiring. There is no other choice." (p. -

"The first step in The Work is to write down your judgments about any stressful situation in your life, past, present, or future--about a person you dislike or worry about, a situation with someone who angers or frightens or saddens you, or someone you're ambivalent or confused about. Write your judgments down, just the way you think them…Don't be surprised if you find this difficult. For thousands of years, we have been taught not to judge--but let's face it, we still do all the time. " (p. - 9)

"Even if you've forgiven that person 99 percent, you aren't free until your forgiveness is complete." (p. - 10)

"When you do The Work, you see who you are by seeing who you think other people are. Eventually you come to see that everything outside you is a reflection of your own thinking. You are the storyteller, the projector of all stories, and the world is the projected image of your thoughts." (p. - 10P)

"Please avoid the temptation to continue without writing down your judgments. If you try to do The Work in your head, without putting your thoughts on paper, the mind will outsmart you…The mind can justify itself faster than the speed of light." (p. - 11)

"The turnarounds are your prescription for health, peace, and happiness. Can you give yourself the medicine that you have been prescribing for others?" (p. - 16)

"Everything is a mirror image of yourself--your own thinking coming back at you. " (p. - 22)

"The Work allows you to go inside and experience the peace that already exists within you. That peace is unchanging, immovable, and ever-present. The Work takes you there. It is a true homecoming." (p. - 25)

"My experience is that the teachers we need most are the people we're living with now. Our spouses, parents, and children are the clearest masters we could hope for. Again and again, they will show us the truth we don't want to see, until we see it. " (p. - 27)

"Our parents, our children, our spouses, and our friends will press every button we have, again and again, until we realize what it is that we don't want to know about ourselves, yet. They will point us to our freedom every time." (p. - 29)

"Reality is kinder than the stories that we tell about it. " (p. - 64)

"There are three ways to do the turnaround. A judgment can be turned around to yourself, to the other, to the opposite. There are many possible combinations of these three. One statement can bring many realizations when it is reversed. The point is not to find the most turnarounds, but to find the ones that bring you the shift in self-realization, the enlightenment that sets you free from the nightmare you're innocently attached to. Turn the original statement around any way you want to until you find the turnaround that penetrates the most. " (p. - 77)

Sidebar

"The Four Questions and the Turnaround

1.) Is it true?

2.) Can you absolutely know that it's true?

3.) How do you react when you think about that?

4.) Who would you be without the thought?

and

Turn it around"
p. - 15

(Note: Turn around works because you write as if it were written about you. It goes something like this…

Original statement: I am angry at my students because they gripe and complain all the time.

Turn around statement: I am angry at myself because I gripe and complain all the time.

Issues Addressed by the Book:

This book addresses ways to alleviate the normal stresses, frustrations and pains that develop in our dealings, relationships and communications with others.

We don't get our way, and others seem to thwart our noble intentions with their dishonorable habits, unsavory customs and treacherous backstabbing.

Of course, we are not like that at all.

What this book shows us is that, "Yes, we are exactly like that, too."

What's more, the book shows us that when we accept the reality that we are exactly like the traits that we loath so much, then we remove the pressure on ourselves, and parts of these situations seem to clear up.

You have to see this in action to appreciate that it is so.

On the other hand, if we go back to our old habits of though, we can as easily slip back to

The Book's Shortcomings:

The book consists of lots of dialog that are transcripts of the author asking the four questions to people in pain.

This is sort of boring, when we have our own pain.

Another problem with the book is that, as the author points out, our mind easily tricks us, and we probably can't uncover ourselves at the deepest levels, just by reading, if we go it alone.

But, the writing that the author suggests is time consuming and boring, if we do it alone.

I confess that I only played with the writing out of the judgments and mentally only tried to questions instead of writing them out, too. But, I wasn't seriously bothered by anything (Or is that just my mind tricking me?).

Another shortcoming is a lack of long-term follow-up with the people that were being helped to determine if these habit of inquiry lasted over the long haul, or if these were only temporary improvement in habitual thought.

Comments:

An amended system of the four questions might be useful in a classroom where the teacher plans very small steps over the course of the school year to teach these self-inquiry skills to students.

But, opening a student to these questions, and uncovering something that a teacher is not equipped to deal with, i.e., rage, resentment, abuse, hostility, and prejudice might be too dangerous.

On the other hand, these techniques might fit perfectly well into an informal get together by colleagues on the faculty to explore attitudes, fear and frustrations. The problem with this approach is that the proceedings might not remain confidential, and there could be some repercussions if campus or district administrator learn of statements that you made.

Summary:

Loving What Is brings a level of awareness that often seems beyond the purview of teachers. The book seems more like a book for counselors and psychologists.

But, there is much that teaches can apply in their daily lives, and,the more pain that a teacher feels in their life, the more that they need to work through this book.

Just reading the book is boring, but resolving areas of pain and difficulty in your life makes up for that a lot.

Fortunately, the questions and the process are simple enough that partners and friends can work with each other on the process.

Rating (Four Point scale):