Steps to Controlling your Thoughts, Self-Talk and Emotions
Teachers should be able to say what they think, feel and believe; and in a world of real academic freedom, this would be true.
But, teachers need to be sensitive to how their gripes, rants and offhand comments affect their students.
Self-censorship, in the service of professionalism, is ethical…and the right thing to do.
More importantly, self-control to maximize positive thoughts and minimize negative thoughts, provides positive payoffs.
In addition, emotional and behavioral control provides a positive model for students who understand that, "Do what I say, not as I do," is the trademark of a useless teacher. Control of your your thoughts, your self-talk and your emotions helps you follow your own recommendations and earns you the right to bestow platitudes and give advice to your students.
Who Does Stress Harm?
The biggest motivation for reigning in negative thoughts, negative self-talk negative emotions is the detrimental short-term and long-term effects that these stresses place upon our lives.
So, even if a teacher's outward appearance seems poised and controlled; if
the internal landscape and environment is churned and "whipped up," health and
vitality deteriorate.
The litany of diseases and maladies related to stress seems like a catalog of about every
known disease. The list of diseases caused or exacerbated by stress is substantial and terrifying.
But, even more important are the effects that a tight lid on stress and frustration (in the professional arena) have upon personal and family relationships.
The key is to eliminate, counteract, prevent the accumulation of stress; but keeping a "tight lid" on stress (the opposite of relaxation and release") precipitates more harm than benefit.
Connections between Thoughts, Self-Talk and Emotions
Thoughts, self-talk and emotions are connected. These are maintained with rapid-fire interchange and tie in to our learned (Multiple Intelligences, Learning Styles) modalities of information processing.
This means that some complex of memories, images, beliefs and cognition
interplay upon our feelings, sensations and reactions. This also means that we can control, alter and adjust this process…if we choose to do so. (And if we develop the habits required to be successful with this control.
Strategies for Controlling Thoughts, Self-Talk and Emotions
Self-awareness, self-examination and self-discovery are the first steps in developing your self-control systems. But the intent of self-awareness, self-examination and self-discovery is the uncovering of talents, skills and abilities. This is a personal-resources-focused personal tools quest.
Dredging up negative experiences, opening wounds, testing the tenderness of
scars, reliving past trauma…all of these unpleasant enterprises are off limits,
counterproductive and contraindicated
Our self-awareness, self-examination and self-discovery will assist in
inventorying the personal assets that we can use.
Personal Control Panel and Pattern Inventory
The next steps is to pay attention to what you do, and to pay attention to what sets you off in doing it.
The task here is toe develop a non-evaluative, matter of fact list. "This is what happens" is the extent this list. "When such a situation occurs, I ___."
Avoid positive and negative evaluations, and interpretations.
Sidebar
Avoiding evaluations and avoiding judgment is a self-control skill that is excruciatingly difficult for teachers.
Everything about what teachers do seems geared to this highest of the Higher-Order skills.
Yet, sitting in judgment of our "selves" sabotages our self-control in
insidious ways…and we can't see how this happens because we are too enmeshed in our own evaluation.
For example:
- "I do a great job keeping my cool when …"
- "I did a lousy job responding to…"
Both statements in this set are less than useful.
Change both to…
- "This and this happened…"
And listen closely to any self-talk. Just record what you are saying without categorizing, or judging, evaluating what those statements mean. (In the final analysis, the judging that you conduct through your self-talk creates more stress than the original event.)
Next Step: Tinker with your Senses
This is the indirect approach to controlling your thoughts, self-talk and emotions.
You just "monkey around" with your sensory processing. In particular, fiddle around with visual imagery, but manipulating your experience of sensations, sounds, smells and tastes can work to your advantage.
For example, change…
- Size
- Shape
- Size
- Nearness or Distance
- Perspective Point
- Color
- Temperature
- Pressure
- Clearness or Blur
- Constant, Erratic or Intermittent
- Stable, Rocking, Fluctuating
Get silly, be mischievous, express comic rebellion, stonewall, silently insult
Examples:
That new male teacher keeps insisting that you go on a date with him. Rather than feeling upset, languishing under a self-talk diatribe discomfort at a situation you can't control; just picture this insulting colleague as a fat, pink pig. Visualize his mouth and nose as a snout. Hear him grunt. Recognize that you are not the "sow" that he would like you to be. Laugh at the caricature.
Another example:
A colleague continues to complain about the principal and school district, her salary, her students, just about everything. The antidote: Just picture this colleague as a "toilet mouth, with the nastiest stuff overflowing from her mouth. This image alone should be enough to keep you away from her…far away.
The Power of Simplicity
Elaborate procedures are unnecessary and unduly cumbersome if a simple procedure gets the job done.
Quick and inelegant, just good enough; these are often the most elegant solutions to problems.
People disbelieve the power of tinkering with mental imagery until they experience the rapid and immediate changes for the better that these techniques achieve.
And, it is these simple experiments in personal mental imagery that build a control panel for managing your thoughts, self-talk and emotions.
Feel free to experiment and find your own personal style.
And, if you fail a time or two before succeeding, who cares? Besides, since the mental imagery skills are internal, only you know.
Put some personal controls in place and you will increase the flexibility that you have in dealing with your students.
And, though your students will be grateful, you will be the person that most benefits.
