Gesture-Based Listening: Reality of Mixed Metaphor?
Active listening proponents usually focus upon asking open-ended questions that demonstrate to the speaker that we are seeing their point of view and comprehending what they are saying.
But, what about using gestures to indicate that you are following along with the speaker's message? Wouldn't physical movements serve as effective cues that we are listening, at least to the 75% or so of tactile, kinesthetic, proprioceptive (hands-on) learners that comprise our population?
But, for most teachers, gestures are only adjuncts of unconscious communication.
Strategic Gesturing
Unfortunately, our gesturing habits and skills are perfected in the area of insults, putdown and angry outbursts.
Making all our teaching and communicating habits conscious, then choosing the best tactics from our "bag of tricks" seems to be our most effective personal communication improvement strategy.
On one extreme are those few people that make so many unsynchronized gestures that the visual overload causes the a communicator to "tune out the sight of them"…physical movement that seems like "shouting." So, as a listener, your listening gestures cannot "shout down" or "drown out" the speaker that you wish to reassure.
Subtle Gestures Speak Louder than Shouting
A slight movement of a hand or finger, marking time to the points that the speaker presents is an effective place to begin. (Note: practioners of Neuro Linguistic Programming [NLP] call this practice, "pacing.")
Of course, to perform this technique effectively, you really have to be actively listening…and listening for understanding. You would only aggravate the speaker if your timed pacing rhythms were "slightly off," and the speaker would not know the reason that they were becoming irritated and angry at you. An angry speaker (and speakers who are experiencing stress) will revert to a less-skilled communication strategy without knowing what is happening, and without knowing why this is happening.
So, be kind. Pay attention to the speaker, and let your gestures communicate your interest.
Some Gesturing Tips
Here are some additional tips on using gestures for listening…
- Notice how the speaker uses gestures, and use similar, but more subtle gestures in return
- Lean forward to show interest
- Raise your eyebrows to show surprise
- Stand (or sit) in a manner that is similar to the speaker's manner
Practice extending the range of your own gestures, i.e., making your gestures more flamboyant and more sedate and controlled. This will extend your capacity to communicate your ability to show that you are actively listening.
In Sync
Laughing when other are sad, joking when others are mad, and making "flip comments" when others are serious describe communications barriers that make the perplexing process of understanding another person more challenging.
So, use gestures for listening in an appropriate manner.
But, use gestures with thought, kindness and consideration.
And consider the almost-synonym for the word, i.e., "jester."
Botch the "listening gesture process" and the speaker will categorize you (your intelligence and your behavior) as a "jester," a jester that is failing to court their positive impression of you. (Note: Bad pun intended.)
